Sunday, September 30, 2012

What I learned about gingers OR Where Taco Time really began

The other day I sat back and tried to pinpoint my earliest dating experience. I found myself going further and further back through my history - high school, junior high, fourth grade, second grade. I ended up landing deeper in my history then I ever expected... all the way back to Reagan.

Reagan (can't remember the precise spelling of his name), was my ginger haired playmate from the house next door. Our family moved from this house before I started kindergarten, so I don't have an extensive memory of our time together. Just a few random, disconnected memories. I remember his flaming red hair. I remember he had foster siblings (or exchange students living with him) who teamed up one time and tossed him into the flower bed and up against the side of his house. But the one memory that was burned onto my memory cortex like the vaporized remains of the victims of Chernobyl against nearby structures starts... with an Etch-a-Sketch.

I remember one day Reagan and I were playing together in his room. He had lots of cool toys. We were playing together nicely, but at some point his Etch-a-Sketch caught my eye. He must have felt slighted, or lonely, or bored, or something, without me to entertain him, because after a few peaceful and uninterrupted moments Reagan spoke up.

"Hey, look at this."

Sitting on the floor, I looked up from my graphite rollerball masterpiece. Looked right up into the bright pink sausage and eggs the Reagan laid bare before me. The world lost a great work of art that day as I let the Etch-a-Sketch hit the floor and ran screaming from his room.

Things were never the same between Reagan and me after that. After looking back I now realize that moment was when the universe revealed to me one of its best kept secrets. I know why gingers are so slutty. They were born that way. Or drawn that way, in the case of Jessica Rabbit.

A little humor, there, all my ginger friends! (A little disclaimer in case I ever make any ginger friends)

In all seriousness, it was that moment in time - with my face near inches from a five years old's nether region - when Taco Time began to take root.

For those of you who don't know about Taco Time, here is the scoop. Taco Time is the first song I wrote for my stand up comedy routine. Most of my stand up material revolves around my dating life, because it truly is the most ridiculous and laughable stuff I've ever heard of. Taco Time is a collection of some of the MOST ridiculous, memorable, and song-worthy of the lot. This blog is dedicated, in part, to giving all you lovely people out there the story behind the lyrics. You'll be sitting right beside me on my dates, at the computer browsing the singles sites, reading the text message chitchat.

Front row seats, baby. It's because I love you all. And because no one should have to suffer alone. WHICH IS WHY I want all of you to post as a comment below your earliest dating memory. It might be like mine. It might be sweet, or sad (hope not), or just plain unbelievable. Doesn't matter what it is. Post it! I like to think myself a good listener/reader, and blog friends - I'm here for you. And remember! At the end of this great journey to publication - that I'm thrilled to have you all take with me! - I will feature some of you and your stories in the finished copy! So, ready? Set?


Thanks for reading, friends. I heart you all.

~ heather

NEXT TIME: Why dental care is so important OR Gingivitis = empty barstool

Monday, September 24, 2012

Countdown to Taco Time - Taco Time Revealed!

I've finally decided that it is time. For really real.

It's time to unveil all the gory and hilarious details surrounding the mystery men featured in Taco Time, my very first stand-up comedy song. (I'll post a video to this site soon for those of you who haven't heard the song.)

That's right, I said it. Stand-up comedy. I do it. And dare I get all LL Cool J on you and say that I'm on my way to doin' it well. But I digress...

This blog will document the inevitably rocky road to writing, editing and publishing my self-help book. "A Foot in My Mouth: How I Deep-Throated My Way to the Man of My Dreams" is the humorous, autobiographical tale of my unbelievable dating life, and it MUST be written. So say we all.

A true procrastinator, free spirit and impulsive person I have yet to set a deadline for completion, BUT... I will.

What can you expect to find in this blog, you ask? Tons. Plus, a lil' suh-en extra.

At the end of each of my posts I will open up the floor for YOU to share your own dating horror stories. Each week, as things progress, I will pick my favorite dating story - as shared by YOU, my lovely readers - and place your story in my Hall of Shame, which will be a special extra chapter in the finished book.

Wow, the more I ramble the more excited I get! How 'bout you?

Stay tuned, folks. There will be all sorts of fun things to come. Contests, videos, interviews and YOU!

love always, (cuz I do, I love ya!)

~ heather

*(Fat Girl Running, what I sometimes am and always try to get back to being)