Sunday, September 30, 2012

What I learned about gingers OR Where Taco Time really began

The other day I sat back and tried to pinpoint my earliest dating experience. I found myself going further and further back through my history - high school, junior high, fourth grade, second grade. I ended up landing deeper in my history then I ever expected... all the way back to Reagan.

Reagan (can't remember the precise spelling of his name), was my ginger haired playmate from the house next door. Our family moved from this house before I started kindergarten, so I don't have an extensive memory of our time together. Just a few random, disconnected memories. I remember his flaming red hair. I remember he had foster siblings (or exchange students living with him) who teamed up one time and tossed him into the flower bed and up against the side of his house. But the one memory that was burned onto my memory cortex like the vaporized remains of the victims of Chernobyl against nearby structures starts... with an Etch-a-Sketch.

I remember one day Reagan and I were playing together in his room. He had lots of cool toys. We were playing together nicely, but at some point his Etch-a-Sketch caught my eye. He must have felt slighted, or lonely, or bored, or something, without me to entertain him, because after a few peaceful and uninterrupted moments Reagan spoke up.

"Hey, look at this."

Sitting on the floor, I looked up from my graphite rollerball masterpiece. Looked right up into the bright pink sausage and eggs the Reagan laid bare before me. The world lost a great work of art that day as I let the Etch-a-Sketch hit the floor and ran screaming from his room.

Things were never the same between Reagan and me after that. After looking back I now realize that moment was when the universe revealed to me one of its best kept secrets. I know why gingers are so slutty. They were born that way. Or drawn that way, in the case of Jessica Rabbit.

A little humor, there, all my ginger friends! (A little disclaimer in case I ever make any ginger friends)

In all seriousness, it was that moment in time - with my face near inches from a five years old's nether region - when Taco Time began to take root.

For those of you who don't know about Taco Time, here is the scoop. Taco Time is the first song I wrote for my stand up comedy routine. Most of my stand up material revolves around my dating life, because it truly is the most ridiculous and laughable stuff I've ever heard of. Taco Time is a collection of some of the MOST ridiculous, memorable, and song-worthy of the lot. This blog is dedicated, in part, to giving all you lovely people out there the story behind the lyrics. You'll be sitting right beside me on my dates, at the computer browsing the singles sites, reading the text message chitchat.

Front row seats, baby. It's because I love you all. And because no one should have to suffer alone. WHICH IS WHY I want all of you to post as a comment below your earliest dating memory. It might be like mine. It might be sweet, or sad (hope not), or just plain unbelievable. Doesn't matter what it is. Post it! I like to think myself a good listener/reader, and blog friends - I'm here for you. And remember! At the end of this great journey to publication - that I'm thrilled to have you all take with me! - I will feature some of you and your stories in the finished copy! So, ready? Set?


Thanks for reading, friends. I heart you all.

~ heather

NEXT TIME: Why dental care is so important OR Gingivitis = empty barstool


  1. My first dating memory? Sixth grade, "dating" a flaming red ginger from the next town over. I remember sitting on the phone, both of us in our own homes, watching The Simpsons and laughing at it together. That is the lameness that is my dating life.

    -Cyndi Hartley

  2. Making out with a girl in the snow behind a shed. I could have totally bagged her if I wasn't 11 and too young to achieve an erection. I made up for it later in life so i can live with letting that one slide.

  3. Earliest dating memory...

    I was in 8th grade and my first "boyfriend" was dragged to me at a school dance by a group of his friends, and, scared out of his mind, he asked me out. Truthfully, I had BARELY noticed this kid before that. But I did learn that apparently I was far too intimidating at the age of 14 to be approached for a date.