"So how many people can you fit in your car?" OR How talent gets me every time.

Yeah, yeah. I'm back. Sort of.

I've lost my blogging mojo, it's true. A few random souls keep telling me that I should keep it up, though, so... I guess I'll try. But before I get going on this seriously long overdue Taco Tuesday blog, I must post a disclaimer. Ahem...

*No names or faces depicted in this blog are of the real men of which I speak! (Unless they really REALLY pissed me off)* That being said, the men in this blog are real, live people. While my portrayals of these men might be slightly hyperbolized (I stress the word "slightly") they are not meant to poke fun at the actual humans behind the story, except for a few instances. Like the FMB, for example. Some of these men were/are idiots, knuckleheads, and fools and...wait, that's a little harsh. Some of them were/are just plain guys who weren't for me, but whom I feel no amount of loyalty to, and my retelling of the glorious tale of our meeting is simply meant to be reflection of the hilarity of my ridiculous unfortunate luck with men. Some of these men however, are actually my friends, and nothing I say is in any way, shape or form meant to hurt them. I'm seriously trying to put together a book here. Just wanted them - and everyone else to know - that I'm a writer, damnit! And above all else, I'm poking fun at myself, not them. So see, fellas - it's me, not you. Smooches!

Alrightee, now that I've got that out of the way, onto the next Taco Time alum.

"There's a clown, the fire-breathing kind, and he juggles sometimes, and he likes to roleplay.
In a kilt, with a sweet ponytail and a shirt of chain maille, and he asked me to stay.
So I replied in my best elf impression that our two races could never love in peace.
Are you starting to see why it's Taco Time for me?"

So way back in Taco Time history (okay, not way WAY back) I talked about the LLP - Larping Lutheran Priest. He was the first one to introduce me to larping. (live action roleplaying - stick with me, people!) And that is where I met this next man.

You know how you hear chicks say how hot they think a man in uniform is? Well, for me a uniform of medieval cosplay garb and an accent is kind of one of my favorites. Yeah... I've got no explanation for where that affinity stems from. You have to be somewhat bold and fearless and a great deal creative to be good at larping, and 9 times outta 10 talent and personality are so much more of a turn on for me than anything else. Let's face it. You could look like Ryan Reynolds or Robert Downey Jr, but if there is zero creativity flowing through your neandarthal synapses and you've got all the personality of a dead pet rock (yeah, I said "dead" pet rock), your washboard abs better be able to mold themselves into Starry Night or something, because I'll only be able to enjoy you for so long. I will still enjoy you, of course. But I digress...

He was all dressed up in the aforementioned kilt, and big, and strong, and charismatic and ohhh... swoon! My little gypsy character just hid behind his big manly manliness and had no problem playing the damsel in distress. Don't get me wrong, I tried to hold my own in the fights against the orcs and other baddies, but I was a fairly new character and my skills and newbie level couldn't hold a torch to what the other, more experienced characters could do.

WAKE UP! Sorry, just thought I heard some snoring there. The soothing sounds of my nerdiness must have lulled you into a uninterested sleep.

Anyway, as I was getting to, I was completely smitten by this tall, swarthy barbarian with an adorable accent who could protect me from all the things that could go bump in the night. Or kill me in my sleep. Literally. In the reality of a live-action roleplaying game literal sense, where the bad guys will come into your cabin and try to kill you in your sleep. (Although I'm pretty sure he could hold his own in real life, too. He's scrappy.)

I became friends with this guy outside of the game, too, and his amazing friend (more than friends, friend, whom I also love, who I actually met him through) and, for a period of time spent quite a bit of time with them, getting to know them and whatnot. I wasn't dating anyone at that time (Gee, what a surprise! When am I ever?) and kept going back to the my big strong barbarian friend who was not only a talented creative thinker but also an amazing juggler, clown type fella and fire eater, which - come on! - is super amazing cool! It's easy to idealize things and people and situations when you're in a position to, I guess. And I was in a position and of a mind to.

Over time, though, my larping outings grew less and less frequent and time and money kept me from making trips to see them. My idealistic fantasies about being swept away by a giant protecting barbarian from a distant land (Easter Illinois) dissipated and life moved forward. I still keep in touch with this amazing duo, but not nearly often enough.

In a nutshell, though, that is the tale of the kilt-wearing, fire breathing larper who stole the heart of a young gypsy lass. Wow...kinda sounds like some weird fantasy soap opera. Why don't they have fantasy soap operas? (or do they?) I think it would be amazing! Hmmm... an idea is forming...

But there it is. And maybe, just maybe, I'll actually get my Funny Friday blog posted. (For the record, I'm never doing another phone interview - sorry, Bobby - because I am entirely too lazy to transcribe it.)

Love and squishes to you people who read me. I'll try to be back in a timely fashion. Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey fashion, that is.

~h

NEXT TACO TUESDAY: It's the final countdown! The last stanza of the song, where the dudes come atcha hot and heavy like. First up? "Oh, I just dressed up as a woman for Halloween one year" OR When a hot pair of thigh high stiletto boots is a bad thing.